Slippers. Bah Humbug!

This morning, I went out in search of a pair of slippers. I am most definitely NOT a shopper (in fact, I tend to avoid it like the plague), but I was in need of a pair of slippers and it did provide an excuse to spend a few hours sans kids. So off I went.

Two hours later, I returned home, cursing anything and everything retail and swearing to never again enter the horrid depths of a shopping mall. If I can't find it on-line, I probably don't really need it.

Here's what I found during my two grueling hours of slipper shopping. Apparently, retailers have determined that people are only interested in a few distinct categories of slippers:

The "Stupid Character on Your Feet" slipper. These can be absolutely anything, from Elmo, to large, yellow chickens. As I was standing before a rack of some sort of morphed pig/elephant slippers, a couple teenagers flounced up, declaring, "These are soooooo cute! I could wear them every day to school!" And people say homeschooled kids look socially inept?

Next is the "Chia Pet" slipper. These bad boys have more shag than my grandma's carpet. I'm pretty sure that you have to bathe and brush them daily. Maybe even feed them. They pretty much creep me out.

No slipper rack would be complete without a wide assortment of the "Eternally Easter" pastel slippers. I think these are geared toward those desperate housewives who are trying to find some peace and tranquility in their lives via the happy baby bunny colors on their feet. Personally, if I had to scuff around the house all day with my feet looking like they were covered in bunny barf, I think I'd go insane.

Then there is the small display of "Old Man" slippers. Basically, these all pretty much look the same. Various shades of brown. Usually some plaid mixed in. Nearly always a rubber sole (so they don't get soggy when the old men sneak out back for a smoke).

And finally, the "Dead Sheep and Leather" slippers. Granted, these do look cozy (if you don't mind your feet heating up to 500 degrees and sloshing around in sweat). Maybe I could pull it off if I had a leather loin cloth and arrow quiver to go with them.

So, given these few categories (and their various hybrids - pastel sheep anyone?), I left my slipper shopping expedition feeling defeated and depressed.

And I can guarentee that when it comes time to buy a new swimming suit in a few months, I'll only be shopping on-line!