1. If nobody sees you eating it, there are no calories. (That’s why I always try to hit the fast food drive-thru when I don’t have my kids in the car with me.)
2. If it is served in tiny, appetizer-sized portions, there are no calories. (If you eat a big 'ol hot dog, it’s loaded with ‘em. But eat a few dozen of those little cocktail wienies that they serve at wedding receptions and you’re safe.)
3. If you eat it over the course of an hour or so, there are no calories. (Going back to the wedding reception scenario . . . if you just plant yourself next to the food table and graze while chatting with all your friends, you’re working off the calories just as fast as you consume them.)
4. If you turned down something more decadent in favor of something “healthier,” there are no calories. (So go ahead and decline that Monster Hot Fudge Sundae for a moderate-size banana split. Heck, that’s a serving of fruit right there.)
5. If it has vegetables in it AT ALL, there are no calories. (That’s why I LOVE chocolate chip zucchini bread!)
6. If it was given to you in the spirit of service, there are no calories. (I’m pretty sure that God, in His infinite mercy, eliminates all calories from meals brought in by your visiting teachers when you’re sick or just had a baby.)
7. If you are distracted and don’t really pay attention to your food while you’re eating, there are no calories. (This is why I try to eat my meals while checking my email or watching Modern Family. If I don’t remember the chewing & swallowing steps, the calories don’t count.)
8. If you are merely finishing off what your children left on their plates because you hate to see perfectly good food go to waste, there are no calories. (Duh! Moms have know this for years.)
9. Closely related to #7 & 8 above – If you are absent-mindedly munching on your kid’s Cheerios/goldfish/graham crackers while sitting in church/doctor’s office/school play, there are no calories. (Which is why I typically pack cookies or Swedish fish for such occasions.)
10. If it contains the words “whole grain” or “enriched” or “fortified,” there are no calories. (Enriched Candy Corn . . . Mmmmmm . . .)2. If it is served in tiny, appetizer-sized portions, there are no calories. (If you eat a big 'ol hot dog, it’s loaded with ‘em. But eat a few dozen of those little cocktail wienies that they serve at wedding receptions and you’re safe.)
3. If you eat it over the course of an hour or so, there are no calories. (Going back to the wedding reception scenario . . . if you just plant yourself next to the food table and graze while chatting with all your friends, you’re working off the calories just as fast as you consume them.)
4. If you turned down something more decadent in favor of something “healthier,” there are no calories. (So go ahead and decline that Monster Hot Fudge Sundae for a moderate-size banana split. Heck, that’s a serving of fruit right there.)
5. If it has vegetables in it AT ALL, there are no calories. (That’s why I LOVE chocolate chip zucchini bread!)
6. If it was given to you in the spirit of service, there are no calories. (I’m pretty sure that God, in His infinite mercy, eliminates all calories from meals brought in by your visiting teachers when you’re sick or just had a baby.)
7. If you are distracted and don’t really pay attention to your food while you’re eating, there are no calories. (This is why I try to eat my meals while checking my email or watching Modern Family. If I don’t remember the chewing & swallowing steps, the calories don’t count.)
8. If you are merely finishing off what your children left on their plates because you hate to see perfectly good food go to waste, there are no calories. (Duh! Moms have know this for years.)
9. Closely related to #7 & 8 above – If you are absent-mindedly munching on your kid’s Cheerios/goldfish/graham crackers while sitting in church/doctor’s office/school play, there are no calories. (Which is why I typically pack cookies or Swedish fish for such occasions.)
I'm sure someone out there (Jessica) is going to raise a question about the fact that I don't eat sugar. 'Tis true. I typically don't. However, by following my above-listed, scientifically tested and
Besides, even I can't make it through an entire sacrament meeting without a
3 comments:
so true
Love it! My #1 rule is: If you eat while reading, there are no calories. And if you eat while reading the scriptures, there are negative calories!
Hurray!! Let's eat and talk and eat and walk and eat and .... whatever takes away the calories the better.
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